From Crazy Days & Nights of course.

"How
dumb can someone be? You may have noticed that there is an A list
aging, but not old film star. Actually not A list. He’s definitely A+.
Some might even throw on another plus.

Turns out that she is dumb.
(How dumb is she?) I’m glad you asked.
She is so dumb that our A+ actor
has got her pregnant at least three times. Each time he tells her that
he has had a vasectomy and so she can’t possibly get pregnant. She
always believes him and is always getting pregnant. In fact when she
gets pregnant is when she disappears. Seems that is the actor’s goal
each time."

Lucy Lui, my Rat Terrier, turned two years old earlier this month and I forgot to do a post for her birthday.  Most of you have probably heard me gush about her from time to time.

She hasn’t made an appearance on the Smack in some time now, so I thought I’d throw the bitch a bone..

A bitch needs her beauty sleep!

Ear radar is at full alert!
 

A front leg off the ground is like having a hand on your hip.
Hurry up and take the damn picture!
 

Lily Allen is moping around and kicking cans once again about how people don’t like her.

Only this time she says that it’s her home country that doesn’t like her.

Allen told New York magazine, "I think people hate me in England".

"I’m in the tabloids. I don’t want to be but I am. I’ll write
10 million nice things and then I’ll write one thing that annoys me and
it’s like, ‘Lily Allen slams Lindsay Lohan. Lily Allen slams Madonna.  I become that person who badmouths people, which I’m not."

But just shortly after making that statement, Lily took a swift kick to Lindsay Lohan’s shin. "I can’t
wait until Lindsay Lohan goes to jail. ‘Boo hoo hoo. I’m going to
jail.’ Good."

Gee Lily, maybe people don’t like you anymore because you’re such a Debby Downer all the time!  Poor Lily. Wah.  Wanna binky Wiwwy?

People aren’t buying your sympathy stories anymore. It sounds like England is on to you and so are we!

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Of course, I’m lying!

But that’s what a friend of Jason Davis‘, whom TMZ has dubbed, ‘Gummi Bear’, would like you to believe.

Last night outside Les Deux, the TMZ cameras tried talking with Jason, whom I dub ‘Jabba the Gut’, but a nosy friend meddled, telling Jason to roll his window up and ignore them.  As it turned out it was only because the loud mouth wanted all the attention for himself.  When Jason’s window went up, Max Megahorn’s went down. 

He blabbed to the paps saying that Jason is sober now, he’s starting a big company, how Jason’s been employed by somebody ‘big’..you know just a bunch of crap.  Max didn’t seem very sober to me.  He had that 100 mph speech thing going on and seemed amped up, if you know what I mean.

Jason sat there with a smirk on his face playing with his Blackberry, or phone or whatever, probably wondering where he was going to get his next piece of cheesecake.

Jackson Blue sums it up in a quick 35 seconds..

Spice Girls have a press conference to announce their reunion (ABH)
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are good to their fans (CR)
The ridiculous Paris Hilton/ Larry King video.. (AIW)
Sinead O’Connor returns (PB)
Eva Mendes bans dad from sex scenes, sick dad! (TB)
George Michael might have HIV (Yeeeah)
The real ‘Blanket’ Jackson (CWS)
Cocaine makes you paranoid (ASL)
Hayden Panettiere licks all kinds of stuff (DH)
Oprah to make more money (GS)
Vivica A. Fox plays the race card (DL)

Dita Von Teese told OK! magazine that she is in no hurry to find herself a man.

She says the complete opposite is true of her estranged husband, Marilyn Manson.   

"It’s quite typical of him to get into another relationship
so quickly. He is the kind of person who needs to be with someone all
the time so it doesn’t surprise me. I’ve moved on."

"I want to take some time to think about the sort of
person I’m looking for and about the kind of relationship I’d like to
be in."

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Photo Credit

"I don’t have a clue why I’m famous. I didn’t make myself famous, you’re doing it…I think people just want to say, `Oh, she doesn’t have a job, she
doesn’t do anything.’ They get off on that. But I do have a job, like
everyone else."

-Nicole Richie in an interview with Nylon magazine

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