Lindsay Lohan’s boytoy and partner in crime, Calum Best, appears to be over Lindsay already.
Best was seen hanging out with a blonde on a luxury yacht in St Tropez on July 28.
A source told The Daily Mirror,
“Calum was all over her and didn’t seem to care who saw them. He was stroking her hair and seemed really close. He partied with her throughout the night and didn’t leave until the early hours.”
However, Best’s spokesperson claims that he is, in fact, still dating Lohan.
Yeah riiight. What a boyfriend that would be. He sure seems concerned about Lindsay doesn’t he?
Just like everyone else.
There never was a thing.. it was a slutty Addict/Codependent Pattern
http://healthymind.com/s-relationships.html
Person Desires Attracted to Behaviors Process of person’s relationships
Sex addict Validation
Erotic highs/ distraction
One magical sexual attachment that will heal all wounds
Fears:
Boredom/ emptiness
Shame/intimacy
Going out of control
“Hot” people
Fantasy: others for validation
Stable others who will care for them
Impersonal sex
Seeking instant validation with “perfect” others who are then found to be imperfect, resulting in serial, non-intimate relationships
Involvement in relationships with codependents, resulting in acting out beyond the relationship
Hits bottom with sex and starts recovery amidst great pain
Turns to romantic validation from others or renews codependent relationship–in either case without adequately addressing intimacy or self-esteem issues. (More avoidant individual joins group but stays on fringes.)
Strategy fails, relapse occurs, hitting more intense bottom. Recovery renews–more slowly this time–with more attention to self validation, non-sexual intimacy, and tolerating feelings of aloneness and emptiness.
Codependent Validation through being needed, rescuing
Secure relationship
Fears:
Abandonment
Vulnerability
Individuals who need parenting (addicted or dysfunctional and in need of rescuing, like codependents parents were)
Rescuing people in crisis
Remaining in relationship even when clearly unsatisfactory
Trying to control addict’s behavior–yet sometimes enabling the addict to stay addicted
May want to “possess” addict
Become frustrated when addict’s behavior is more extreme than they want, but stay because afraid to leave
If addict recovers, codependent may move on to new addict where their rescuing skills are needed and appreciated.
“Love Addict”/Avoidant Pattern*
Person Desires Attracted to Behaviors Process of person’s relationships
Love addict Security, safety acceptance, “oneness” (merger)
Fears:
Greatest fear is abandonment
Underlying fear is healthy intimacy (in enmeshment the core of the person is actually sealed off)
Self-contained individuals who appear strong, stable (often avoidant or obsessive compulsive, like their families of origin)
Line up next relationship before leaving current one–forming love triangles
Instant closeness, looking for “magic” feeling
Idealizing partner
Obsessing about partner
Talking obsessively to others about him or her
Acting out anger and revenge for being abandoned
Enters relationship in haze of fantasy–found this stable, strong, accepting individual
Gets high from fantasy
Denies how walled in avoidant really is
Avoidant gradually becomes distant and shuts down, abandons relationship in some way
Love addict acts out anger & revenge, turns to affairs and addictive sex
Partner capitulates and renews relationship, or love addict moves on to new relationship
Sense of self and self esteem does not develop–love addict remains in dependent position. Ability to tolerate fear and discomfort must develop for growth to occur
Avoidant person Wants to be connected, but not closely
Fears:
Greatest fear is intimacy/engulfment
Can have a hard time rejecting others or saying no
Individuals who provide much of the enthusiasm and intimacy for both of them
Ambivalence all the way through may be in relationship because can’t say no
May show initial traditional romantic pursuing, but ultimately enters relationship because love addict provides most of the “intimate energy”; may fear would never make into a relationship otherwise
As love addict wants more and more attention avoidant attempts to please by giving it to them–at least initially
Eventually avoidant becomes overwhelmed by enmeshment and/or neediness of love addict, becomes critical, and eventually backs off from relationship or abandons it
Feels relationship has failed, sometimes gets involved with addictive behavior or affairs to distance, distract, or numb out
May return to relationship out of guilt or fear of being totally alone, or moves on to connect with another partner
Cycle of abandoning and returning can go on and on, especially if love addict starts to move on
*Much of this pattern of relating has been described by Pia Mellody in her 1992 book “Facing Love Addiction.” It may be ordered by clicking the title of the book on this page.
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David C. Bissette, Psy.D. Alexandria, VA 703-705-6161
© 2004 David C. Bissette, Psy.D.