Tried my hand at hibernating, and I kept waking up with wood. Heh.

So, the writer’s strike is finally over. I’m glad I’ll have a choice between shitty reality shows and shitty sitcoms.

Man, if Eva Mendes has to go to rehab, I say EVERYONE has to go.

Snopp Dogg on ‘medical’ mary-jane, huh? Like Amy Winehouse on medical smack, or Tom Sizemore on medical coke.

The Spice Girls shut down their world tour, further proving that the 15 minute clock does work when you need it.

Larry Birkhead needs to stop using The Truman Show as a blueprint for Dannielynn’s life.

Bobby Brown, you’re no Charley Pride.

Tom Jones insuring his chest hair is like Beyonce insuring her weave.

Beyonce needs to scrub some floors and go through some big-time hard times before she should be able to share a stage with Tina Turner. Delusional bitch.

Kathleen Turner once said that if a guy didn’t find her attractive, that he was definitely gay. Listen, I’m the Shark, and I’d sooner walk in a f*cking hailstorm than get up in her crusty britches.

I love it when old former junkies like Keith Richards and Natalie Cole try to lecture Amy Winehouse on getting her shit together. What’s the matter, guys, don’t like to see your faults in other people?

Jane Fonda’s next gig; being interviewed by Ann Coulter. That would be fun. Two c*nts in the same room? Somebody crack a window!

The last thing Farrah Fawcett needs right now is for her son to get a DUI. Nice to see the family helping out.

Gary Coleman, what the hell are you holding out for? Would you mind explaining that? I can’t get my head around it. BTW, if you want to hang onto your marriage, I’ve got two words for you; anger management. Get it done. And your wife doesn’t want to be known solely as ‘Gary Coleman’s Wife’? Honey, you will never be known for anything else. EVER. You are branded with that shit.

Somebody tell me what the f*ck is going on with all these shootings lately?! Since when did sanity become optional for some people? Here’s the deal; if the girlfriend breaks up with you, GET OVER IT. If you get fired from your job, maybe it’s because you weren’t a good worker. If you flunked a test in school, maybe you need to study a little more. It’s called accountability, grasshopper; look into it. Now I’m not one to piss on the constitution, but we could use a little more gun control in this country. Sort of like, if you are on anti-depressants or anything like that, YOU DON’T GET TO BUY A GUN. EVER. On that note, sweet dreams, bitches!

—–Shark—–

 

(Note from Spicy: Sorry this wasn’t up yesterday, I’m slacking!)

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