Ted Casablanca:

One Special Scratch-’n'-Sniff Blind Vice

Break out your umbrellas and stay out of the splash zone, Super Duper Cooper strikes again. Our sexed-out insiders are spilling about some other naughty boudoir behavior SDC has been up to besides becoming an Olympian at preorgasmic water sports, ugh.

Supes seems to like his female fans almost as much as he likes his steamy Hollywood girlfriends, and he treats both varieties of vixens with about the same amount of respect. The well-liked lothario scoops up the gals and spits ‘em back out just as quickly, especially the ones who accidentally get knocked up ’cause of his encounters. Guy’s a low-down dawg, though his puppy puss makes him seem so much more innocent. Mr. Duper Cooper even marks his territory like man’s best four-legged pal: He’s been known to have his adoring fans line up against a wall, drop trou and go to town sniffing their derrieres like they were at the Laurel Canyon pooch park. Sounds kinda hot, but kinda gross. Don’t think this was just hazing for entry into the fan club—Cooper’s famous ex-flame was also privy to this way-too-personal inspection.

A bit too absurd for your prude tastes in titillation? We’re more confused than disgusted, since SDC also likes to throw on some gay porn while bedding his beauties. In fact, our too-close-for-comfort sources swear Duper’s desktop screensaver is none other than the male member, in its full pixilated ‘n’ engorged glory. Is this dude bisexual, or trying to cover up all the oft-blogged-about gay rumors by romancing so many willing ladies? Either way, he needs to be put on a leash before we turn back around to liking this lush lad.

And it ain’t Pete Wentz, Chase Crawford, or Tom Brady

Crazy Days & Nights:

Are you a gay actor looking for a beard? Then look no further. This B/C list actress from at least two very hit television shows is willing to be your beard for a price.

Apparently this actress has been approaching actors at parties who the public perceives as gay or are on the fence about and is willing to be their girlfriend for a price. The thing is it gets even better. She is offering more than just the services of a single woman in her 30’s to act as a girlfriend. See, our actress is married and her celebrity husband is completely on board with the plan. Their idea is that any guy who can break up a marriage or at least appear to break up a marriage must be straight, at least in the eyes of the public.

Meanwhile, the gay actor can enjoy fun times with our actress’ husband who happens to like playing on both sides of the fence. This just has win/win written all over it doesn’t it.