Paris Hilton’s Wonk Eye Goes to Cannes

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Posted on: Paris Hilton

BRANDON M. WITTE

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED.

SINCERELY, BRANDON M., (MATTHEW) WITTE

ARLINGTON, TEXAS
AGE: 34
justme

So with all her money, can’t she finally get that wonk eye fixed already?
Savannah

HAHAHAHAH, oh man. the term Wonk Eye made me laugh so hard!
BRANDON M. WITTE

PARIS HILTON IS EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED. SHE KIDNAPPED ME ON MAY 16, 2010 FOR A PERIOD OF 4 DAYS, RELEASING ME LATE EVENING OF MAY 20, 2010. SHE FORCED ME TO DRINK 50 GALLONS OF SPRITE BRAND SODA POP. WHEN I INFORMED HER THAT SO MUCH LIQUID AND SUGAR IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME COULD BE HARMFUL TO ME, SHE THEN ALSO GAVE ME A CONTINUAL ENEMA OF SPRITE BRAND SODA POP VIA A SECOND 50 GALLON DRUM. I AM NOW WHAT IS KNOWN AS AN “ANAL DIABETIC” DUE TO THE APPLICATION OF SO MUCH SUGAR UP THAT PART OF MY ANATOMY. THIS HAS ALSO GIVEN ME A WADDLE, ALTHOUGH I’M FORCED TO ADMIT THE WADDLE IN A WAY I FIND QUITE MANLY. STILL, WHAT IF I DIDN’T ENJOY WADDLING? SHE NEVER CONSIDERED SUCH A THING.

SINCERELY, BRANDON M. (MATTHEW) WITTE

ARLINGTON, TEXAS
AGE: 34

MY HOME ADDRESS: 3800 CURT DR. , ARLINGTON, TEXAS 76016

MY SOCIAL SECURITY # : 454-95-8625

MY TEXAS STATE DRIVERS LICENSE #: 15260143