Rihanna Wants To Take Joe Jonas “On The Wildest Ride Of His Life”

Rihanna looking hot, and it’s not just the fiery red hair.

Rihanna is working her sext magic, as she pursues some type of wild ride with Joe Jonas. 

I guess I’ve been doing it all right this whole time. Rather than actively going out and trying to find girls to put my penis inside of, I should have been wearing a purity ring, talking about how sex before marriage is bad, and the ladies would have come to me, demanding my weiner. That seems to be working for Joe Jonas, as he’s the latest target of Rihanna, who wants to take the Jonas Brother “on the wildest ride of his life.” The sad part is he’s probably not interested in any of that, and it makes my heart (and testicles) weep a little. What a waste.

According to Showbiz Spy, Rihanna has been bombarding Joe Jonas with raunchy texts, trying to pique his interest. They originally met when Jonas did a song together with Chris Brown, back before he was slamming Rihanna’s head into his dashboard, and something about him must have stuck, because Rihanna is putting on the full court sext to get into Joe’s pants… or chastity belt… or whatever he’s wearing these days.

Joe Jonas is looking a gift horse right in the vagina, something I take as an insult on behalf of all men. Have you seen Rihanna? She’s hot… smokin’ hot. And Joe Jonas is going to walk away from such an opportunity, thus slapping all men who have only dreamed of getting Rihanna in the face…? You disgust me, Joe Jonas.