Shia LaBeouf gets into a fight in Vancouver. Let’s hope he didn’t drive himself home like that one time…
Shia, Shia, Shia. You snotty, overprivileged brat.
Looks like your mouth writing checks your ass can’t cash finally got you into a bit of a predicament. What to do when you piss off a guy twice your size who can actually fight, especially when he’s wasted.
Now, I analyzed this video [courtesy TMZ] and it’s downright hilarious when you pay attention to what was going on…
00:02Shia LaBeouf gets pummeled while on the sidewalk. Guy on crutches appears, yelling at the shirtless, potbellied attacker, “Hey, hey,. hey, hey, hey, yo, what the **** are you doing?” You’ll see Shia’s friend, Mr. Beard, barely doing anything to back up his friend. It’s like he’s pinching the attacker’s muffin top or something. Mr. Crutches scares Mr. Beard with his loud and fast-for-being-on-crutches approach, and jumps back. I think he thought he might take a crutch to the groin or something. Oh, and he might break a nail.
00:05 Miraculously Mr. Crutches did what Mr. Beard could not, and got the attacker off Shia LaBeouf. And with a superhero wave of the crutch, Mr. Attacker is sent flying backwards – or was he just trying to make a grand exit? It was impressive nonetheless but let’s be honest, Mr. Attacker was just drunk and couldn’t stand upright.
00:09 We learn Mr. Attacker‘s name is “Mike,” but it could be “Mikemikemikemikemikemikemike” as well. Shia flails on the ground. Pretty sure he is seeing stars. Not the ones he’s used to either.
00:12 Snide guy in green jacket helps Shia get his balance, Mr. Beard suddenly appears to be his BFF saying, “Look at me.” (There is no exclamation mark there on purpose.) Mr. Snide says something to the effect of, “Why you gotta keep (beep) going with it?” not to Shia, but to Mr. Beard.
00:18 Shia walks off, probably embarrassed, pissed and in a little bit o’ pain. Mr. Beard follows. Mr. Snide diverts left and lets them take off.
00:22 Nonchalant female says, “I was not scared of that guy at all.” Is she referring to Shia? Or his attacker?
00:27 A guy in plaid, possibly Shia’s friend, or someone just trying to talk some sense into a still worked up Shia, tells the actor, “You gotta lay low.” He holds Shia by the collar. Shia’s eyes seem closed. Is he blacked out?!
00:30Ms. Nonchalant heard saying sarcastically, “Ohhh, hello!” Yup. She was definitely talking about Shia earlier. Sounds like he may have pissed off everyone last night.
00:35 Shia gets a talking to by Mr. Plaid who seems to be giving him a dose of ‘tough love.’
01:14 You hear a guy ask the bartender, “What the hell happened?” What she says back is really hard to understand due to the background noise, but what I’m getting is: “Some dude slapped him in the ass (did I hear that right?) and blah, blah, blah, and it just started from there. He tries to fight everyone.”
Then the video ends with some leech asking Shia for a hug. You KNOW he just wants to tell his buddies later, “Yeah man, I hugged Shia LaBeouf! He was so wasted, dude!” Shia seems to hug the guy, but it’s more like a happy place for Shia to rest his drunk little hamburger head. Don’t twist it.
Apparently Shia is a regular of the joint and is in Vancouver filming The Company You Keep. He’ll be there awhile. Hey Canada, you can keep him.
