O.J. Simpson Has Stroke-Like Symptoms in Prison

The National Enquirer is reporting that sports legend, murderer (yeah I said it), and armed robber O.J. Simpson suffered from symptoms of a stroke recently while serving time at Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center.

O.J. is allegedly very well liked in the prison (birds of a feather), and both fellow prisoners and guards alike rushed to his aid once they realized he was having a medical emergency. From the Enquirer:

O.J., who turns 65 in July, was talking with some of his fellow in­mates in the prison’s recreation area when his speech became slurred, an insider revealed. He then slumped over and fell off his chair, complaining of double vision and weakness in his arms.

Sources say that O.J. has gained a whopping 50 pounds since beginning his sentence four years ago and has boosted his weight from 235 to 283. The stroke symptoms he experienced have supposedly scared him and he plans on changing his eating habits and physical well being. Docs say he suffered from  Transient Ischemic Attack, a sort of pre-stroke warning which has symptoms similar to an actual stroke. O.J. has been warned that if he doesn’t change his ways he can expect more heath problems and complications.

Maybe we should send him a large box crammed full of Ding Dongs. Multiple boxes even…? Is there such thing as a sugar pie? Because that will do too. Eat up, O.J.! Nom, nom!