Jessica Simpson’s Baby Maxwell is a House

No wonder Jessica Simpson looked like she was going to have twins, her baby girl, Maxwell, is a little chunk!

Now, before you get your panties in a wad, I am not inferring that Maxwell is a fat ass. No baby spanx jokes from me. Fat babies are adorable and Maxwell has super plump cheeks you just wanna squeeze while squealing, “Coochie coo!”

I love how magazines are already completely obsessing over Jessica’s weight, some saying she’s already lost 20-pounds (yeah, she shot it out her crotch, dumbasses) and well on her way to squeezing into a tiny, beautiful, wedding gown. I’m sure she’ll do it, because that’s what you do when you’re a celebrity. You have a baby and then you show everyone how fast you can get your body to spring back into place, even if it means a little nip/tuck time when you’re claiming to be at the gym.

Forget her weight, it’s Jessica’s face that is the elephant in the room. Holy botox overload, Batman. Her face looks swollen, and let’s be honest, f***ing plastic as hell. Maybe that’s why celebrities posing with their newborns in celebrity gossip magazines always comes across as so insincere and fake. It’s all about them – not the wee one.

[People]