[From Issue 1061 — September 18, 2008.]

We heard that while you were filming commercials for the VMAs with Britney Spears, you were telling her shocking things you wanted to do to her.

I did describe one very basic sexual technique, which I think she would have hugely benefited from — just standard clitoral stimulation whilst achieving an upward, diagonal motion so that you can induce anal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. But I wasn’t able to demonstrate, so it was a dismal failure.

You’ve had a fraught history with MTV. When you worked for the network in the U.K., you were fired for showing up to work dressed as Osama bin Laden — on September 12th, 2001. What were you thinking?

I was taking loads of crack and heroin. And I was a little bit excited because I’d been talking about Osama bin Laden for ages before that, right? So it was kind of like when a band breaks that you’ve liked for ages. I was like, “I told you this guy was gonna be big!” Still, what I did was deeply regrettable. I mean no disrespect to the thousands who lost their lives in that terrible tragedy. It was a very, very stupid thing to have done.

You’ve been pretty open about your history with drugs and bulimia and sex addiction in your memoir, “My Booky Wook.” Did you draw on your own life when you were acting as the rock star Aldous Snow in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”?

Yeah. Nicholas Stoller, the director of that film, and Jason Segel, the writer, plundered my life like British archeologists picking through a pyramid: “What else happened? What else did you do?”

What’s one of the better stories you told them?

When I was making RE: BRAND, a TV show that was inspired by Jackass, I was doing all these insane things, like having a bath with a homeless man whose ulcerated legs were weeping into the water. And I smoked crack with a prostitute and her family. During that time, we were on tour in this Winnebago, and I drank a bottle of gin first thing in the morning to steady my nerves. It made me incredibly emotional, and I was crying. I climbed on top of the Winnebago. I said, “Film me!” And the film crew said, “We can’t film you on a moving vehicle, it’s against regulations!” So I said, “You make me sick!” and stuck my fingers down my throat and started puking, but there was nothing to come out except fumes. So I tried to vomit fumes on the production company as a punishment for not having trust. Then this whole shoot was canceled, and several of my friends lost their jobs. My solution was to say, “Let’s just not tell our mums.”

(more…)

Here they are!

Out & about in Hollywood last night was..

Xtina and Jordan dressed as a corpse bride & groom are sweet enough to stop where they are going to let everyone get a good picture. Vanessa Minnillo and her gal pals go as football player babes, and at the end you get to see Mickey Rourke, and what a mask that guy has!

Paris ‘Hooker’ Hilton went as a skank dressed as a police officer, we also get to see Brandon Davis, again, beating the dead Firecrotch horse (with his real greasy hair sticking to the side of his face), the valet looking dude running across the screen is Kevin Connolly, and Jeremy Piven as a bandito.

Christmas in Maui? BabyBoomerTrips.com!

Why the hell would you ever want to brag about porking that sow?

From Daily Mail.co.uk-

The outspoken comedian made the claim after reducing the audience of the GQ Man of the Year awards to a stunned silence when he spoke of a police investigation into an alleged “date rape” at his flat in Edinburgh during the Festival.

“I never did a sex attack,” he joked. “At the time the alleged sex attack was occurring I was having consensual sex with witnesses. Lovely night it turned out to be.”

Brand, 31, presenter of the Big Brother’s Big Mouth show, added: “Here’s to Rod Stewart who had a go at me earlier this year for too much womanising. But then again I did have a go on his daughter.”

Brand, whose previous conquests include Kate Moss, reportedly wined and dined Kimberly Stewart, 27, at London’s Cuckoo Club this summer - before taking her back to his north London home.

Stewart, 61, himself a legendary womaniser, immediately launched an angry attack on the comic. On stage at the Royal Opera House to pick up the outstanding achievement award, he said: “You went with my daughter, did you? Russell, stand up.” A sheepish Brand stood and mumbled: “I took her out for one evening.”

Stewart asked: “Did you behave yourself?” Brand said: “I never touched that girl.” Stewart retorted: “Fucking right you didn’t. You musn’t come up here and boast. I speak here as a father.”

After the ceremony, Brand tried to make amends and they posed for pictures but Stewart later claimed he had no time for the comic. “He’s got to be careful,” he told the Evening Standard. “He might be a bit of a player but he shouldn’t boast. I never did.” He added: “Russell’s been a bit timid since I had my say.”

Police are investigating an allegation by a 20-year-old that she was raped at Brand’s flat during the Edinburgh festival. There is no suggestion that Brand is the alleged perpetrator and yesterday he denied any knowledge of the attack.

Brand’s big mouth

On himself: “I’m a promiscuous singleton. I am totally obsessed with sex.”

On women: “I’m not a difficult lay but I believe women are goddesses and I try to treat them as such.”

On his partners: “I have put myself at considerable risk, sleeping with the sisters of friends, partners of relatives, prostitutes and women that are clearly mad.”

On his chat-up lines: “To go up to a girl and say, ‘Would you like an orgasm?’ is the Hiroshima of seduction. What you need is, at most, a Falklands.”

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