As we reported yesterday, Heather Mills was granted a sum nearly totaling $50 million in her divorce settlement with legendary Beatle, Paul McCartney.

What we didn’t know is that Heather dumped a glass of water over the head of Paul’s attorney, Fiona Shackleton, soon after winning the massive sum of money. We should have known something was up by the smirk on her face. And I thought she was beaming purely because of the money. What an idiot I am.

Artists Rendering: Daily Mail

Heather, who was originally asking for nearly $250 million, snickered that the attorney had just been “baptised in court” for making “unpleasant comments“.

Bitch, that’s ASSAULT! I only know this because instead of a courtroom, I did the same thing to a drunk redneck cowboy in a sh*tcan of a bar once. And he did back to me is what that attorney should have done to the one-legged money grubbing leech.

He punched me (yes, closed fisted) smack in the face! And hard. Bitch didn’t knock me down though. However, because I poured a beer over his head first (considered ‘assault’), cops didn’t do anything to him.  Yeah, it was a long night and a long time ago.  Heh.

Anyhow, that attorney should have ripped off Heathers leg and stuck it up her ass until she was flossing her teeth with her toenails. The nations would have roared with delight.

Instead we get to hear the bitch talk about how she is such a major contributor to charities, how Paul and his people are out to smear her reputation, and whatever other bullsh*t she pulls out of her ass to try and justify her greedy ways.

If you didn’t watch the video of Heather after court yesterday, here it is. Best watched on an empty stomach.

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Larry Birkhead has testified in the inquest regarding the death of Anna Nicole’s son, Daniel Smith.

Birkhead testified that Daniel may have stole drugs from Anna and that his bizarre behavior had escalated before his death.

He stated that Daniel and some friends stole methadone from Anna at her home in April 2006. He said that Daniel was caught after Anna had checked surveillance cameras and discovered her son was the culprit.

Birkhead made statements to police in 2006 that Anna, Daniel and Howard K. Stern (who testifies today) had all smoked pot together. But when asked about it under oath he claimed he wasn’t sure that’s exactly what he saw. Rigghhhtt.

He also told cops in 2006 that Anna gave Daniel the drug Ecstasy, but once again on the stand Birkhead said he didn’t recall for sure. Uh-huh.

Birkhead added that between January and May of 2006 he witnessed marked changes in Daniel’s behavior. He claims he saw Daniel throw a TV through a window. He also said that it was common for Daniel to be out all night long with Anna at home worrying.

Another example of kids growing up to follow in their parents footsteps. Anna set the example and her child followed. It’s pretty cut and dry. If only she could have gotten her sh*t together she may have saved both their lives.

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Wow. Heather Mills was awarded $48 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

Set for life, baby.

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After Danny Bonaduce threw reality star Jonny Fairplay over his shoulder at Fox’s ‘Really Awards‘ and busted his teeth, Jonny threatened to sue everyone involved.

Soon after the incident he went to attorneys and filed suit against producers of the show claiming they were negligent and contributed to the shocking event.

Fairplay’s lawyer, Daniel C. Lapidus, claims Bonaduce told producers “what he wanted to do and they told him to do it.”

However, Fairplay’s case is at a standstill as the court has asked Fairplay to provide more information about that day and events that led up to the altercation.

“I think more facts should be set forth,” Superior Court Judge Michael C. Solner ruled Tuesday.

Fairplay was given 20 days to amend his case to try and persuade the courts that producers were, in fact, negligent.

The next hearing in the case is scheduled for May 12.

Fairplay is suing Bonaduce, Fox Reality Channel and the show producers for battery, negligence and emotional distress.

Fox and the shows producers claim no wrongdoing.

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Linda Bollea wants her estranged husband, Hulk Hogan, to stop talking about their divorce with their son and she’s attempting to get a court order to prevent him from doing so.

Linda alleges that the Hulkster is using Nick, 17, as a go-between, delivering messages from his father to his mother. In court papers she states Nick has become “withdrawn and conflicted” due to this.

She adds that she doesn’t want to sell their Florida home, but that Hulk has told his son that the outcome of Nick’s reckless driving trial may have a negative outcome if they don’t. Way to mindf*ck your kid, right?

Oh, this family just fell apart, didn’t they?! It’s funny because they always portrayed just the absolute perfect family on their reality show, ‘Hogan Knows Best’. The name of the show is the best. Heh.

I think everything really went downhill after Nick’s accident. I have a hunch that Linda may actually blame Hulk for it. Or maybe has a problem with the way Hulk handled it afterwards. Something’s fishy there. I have always felt as though Hulk has known more about the crash than he led on. I know he’s into fast cars too, and he bought Nick the car. Nick got all those speeding tickets, and his dad never kicked him in the ass like he deserved. Seriously. I mean he knew Nick was racing all over hell and just paid the fines and shrugged his shoulders. Then he paid for more modifications for Nick’s car and shit. You see what I’m saying?

So that’s how I think it all started. I’m not saying I know for sure, but I’m just sayin’…

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After Kathleen Turner’s new book, Send Me Roses came out, it had Hollywood buzzing about allegations it spewed forth about her colleages.

Nicholas Cage was one of many the book targets. Turner claims he drank tons while filming, ‘Peggy Sue Got Married’, got a DUI and even tried to steal a Chihuahua.

Once Cage heard the accusations, he immediately contacted TMZ and told them that “I have never been arrested for anything in my life, nor have I stolen a dog. I am reaching out to my fans — many of whom are children — so they know that I do not condone drunk driving or theft. The reason why you’ve never seen a mug shot of me is because it does not exist.”

Even after clearing his name it has obviously been eating at him because he’s decided to pursue a lawsuit with the High Court in London.

A spokesman said, “The libel action follows false allegations that appear in the forthcoming autobiography. As legal proceedings have been commenced, it would be inappropriate to comment further.”

Both of these two bug the hell out of me. Now that Kathleen claims to be off the juice she thinks she can go around pointing the finger at everyone. Bitch is totally known as a drunk egomaniac. So really, you can’t take what she says too seriously. Hell, she was probably drunk when she wrote the book.

And Nicholas Cage? I used to be a big fan and then he got all weird and strung out on Elvis, even marrying the King’s daughter. Then came the teeth. (or were those before Lisa?) Anyhow, I haven’t really liked him since.

I’m going to say that Nic’s going to win this one though. He’s got more cash to drag it out in court with and a seemingly more truthful story.

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After showing up to court only to turn around and leave, Britney Spears will not have any visitation rights restored until on or after a February 19th court hearing.

Yesterday LAPD police officers, two court appointed monitors and a bodyguard testified regarding Britney’s erratic behavior the night she was hospitalized.  This testimony helped the commissioner to come to the decision.

Chance after chance after chance!   

Britney keeps getting them and keeps blowing them.  I doubt anything will change next month.

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