Howard Stern ruined any chance of ever copping a feel on Dolly Parton after he spliced segments of her new audio book and made it sound as though she were hurling disgusting racial slurs - and other, well, pretty f*cked up stuff!

[Head over to Defamer to listen to the audio.]

Stern edited Parton’s voice to make it sound as though she were talking about things such as how much she loves (n-word) cock, she accuses Kenny Rogers of pissing into (*ugh*) young boys a**holes, and says she had sex with Minnie Pearl’s dead corpse.

Ok, now I have a pretty wicked sense of humor, can hang with the boys and talk like a sailor, but I don’t find this bit to be very funny. It’s incredibly juvenile and sounds like something 14-year old boys would splice together. And I can never find a justification in using the N-word. I’m surprised Robin, as a seemingly strong black woman, puts up with that sh*t. Funny what people will do for money and fame..

Let me add that I am against censorship, so I am not going to start screaming about how Howard should be banned and all that bullsh*t. Dolly’s a big girl, I think she’ll handle herself just fine on this one.

Speaking of, she released a statement regarding the bit, and of course, she is embarrassed and pissed.

“I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life. I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this….If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.”

Someone should make a tape of Howard’s girlfriend talking about her loose vag, or of Robin talking about how much Howard c*ck she chokes down in order to keep her job. Or maybe of Artie sucking another fat guy off for a baggie of blow. Hmm…now that would be funny!

Artie Lange, one of Howard Stern’s sidekicks walked out of the studio yesterday after getting into a fight with his personal assistant on air.

Just before walking out Artie tells the crew, “I’m not a good person. I gotta leave, buddy. I love you.”

Me thinks Artie is boozing and coking it up again. He sounds terrible - without even seeing him. I have to admit though, I haven’t listened to the show in awhile, pretty much since they moved to Sirius, so I don’t know if this is true. But I do know he has a major history with that crap. Regardless, geeze Artie, take a f*cking chill pill.

Anyhow, listen to the drama unfold and judge for yourself.