Every time Michael Lohan open his mouth he pushes his daughter further and further away.

Once again, daddy bigmouth has gone to the media in an attempt to publicly shame his daughter and her lover, and to place the spotlight on himself.  This time he pulled no punches - and they were all low blows.

Earlier this week Michael viciously called Samantha, “dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity.”

He wrote to a paparazzi agency, “I don’t believe that the recent blogs posted by ‘Lindsay’ were written by her” and touted, “There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye. Not that what we see is so pleasing anyway. What’s with this ‘person?’ Look at the way she ‘dresses.’

“Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words. Have you ever seen her apartment? For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this firsthand).”

Why he felt like he needed to go public with this information is beyond me.  Oh yeah, publicity.  Can anyone imagine doing this to their own daughter? If he wants Lindsay’s life to be better, then why does he cause her all this grief?

Anyhow, Lindsay is responding to her assh*le father’s accusations, saying this is nothing new.  Daddy’s always been a prick..

“My father obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods. He is out of line and his words show how much anger he has, and it’s dangerous and scary as it reminds me of how he treated my mother and I my whole childhood. He needs to be stopped. This is yet another reason why we aren’t speaking.

“I am in a great place in life. I have overcome a lot and have been able to learn how to enjoy and appreciate my life in every way possible. I’m proud of myself for being able to make a change in the past year and a half.

“My past is behind me, and that’s final. There’s nothing more to be said. All the false accusations that people try to make are simply because there’s no story when things are calm and good. But they might as well let it go because their lies don’t affect me anymore. Samantha is not evil, I care for her very much and she’s a wonderful girl. She loves me, as I do her.”

I wouldn’t even respond to him if I was her. I’d just let him wallow in his self misery and jealousy.

Lindsay Lohan almost got in a bit of trouble this weekend.

She was heading to the Bowery Hotel in NYC last night where tons of paps were perching (because it was also where J. Lo was throwing hubby Marc Anthony a birthday bash) when she unexpectedly got into it with a cameraman.

There were metal barricades in front of the hotel and Linds tripped over one.  She immediately assumed a photographer stuck his foot out and tripped her.  So what does she do?  She turns around and pops him - in the face - then just keeps hoofing it into the hotel.

I think that fat rail she did a few minutes before had her a little jumpy..

Anyhow, nothing came of the assault.  The cops were called and showed up, but no charges were filed.

Watch the video here.

Samanthan Ronson reportedly announced to the crowd at the Chateau Marmont nightclub that she has plans to marry girlfriend Lindsay Lohan.

According to club goers she gushed,

“By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson.”

She added confidently, “Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.”

Raymond, a lounge singer at the Marmont club, says he believes Sam and Lindsay were meant to be.

“Samantha and Lindsay are the most in love Hollywood couple I’ve ever seen.  Every Friday night they come in here and do cheesy dancing. MC Hammer is their favorite.”

Well then, it must be love.

Remember this old seedy shoot?

Playboy magazine reportedly attempted to persuade Lindsay Lohan into posing for their magazine for the price of $700,000.

But Lindsay’s spokesperson insists she’s having no part of it.

The deal would have included an eight page topless spread in the magazine’s 55th anniversary issue which hits shelves next January.

And it was probably a wise choice.  Playboy’s creative consultant, Hal Lifson, had the idea for Lohan do a tribute to Ann Margaret (’60s sex kitten style) and her film Kitten With a Whip.  Apparently the film is one of Lindsay’s favorites, but that wasn’t enough to convince her.

Lohan’s rep tells the NY Post, “If there’s nudity, then the answer’s no.  She’s not going down the [New York] magazine road again.”

Could she even pull it off?  Her rendition of Marilyn Monroe was embarrassing..

Lindsay Lohan missed her grandfather’s funeral this weekend, choosing instead to do some shopping with her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.

Her grandfather’s funeral was in Long Island but Lindsay chose to spend that time shopping with Sam in nearby New York City.  Who says Lindsay’s priorities are f**ked up?  Heh.

Just after his father passed, Michael Lohan, who might be the most annoying celebrity father in history, challenged his ex-wife, Dina, (publicly, of course) to make an appearance at his father’s memorial service.

“I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina’s attorney.  Let’s see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. This will show her true colors.”

Michael, why not have the decency and respect to shut your blabbing, fat hole every once in awhile?  Not that I don’t think Lindsay shouldn’t have attended, because out of respect she should have - or at the very least, stayed out of the spotlight while it was happening.  But anyone who uses a funeral to make attacks on family members is a real piece of sh*t.

I doubt your kids will attend your wake either asshole.

Ali and Lindsay Lohan are about to get a new stepmom in their lives.

Michael Lohan, 48, has proposed marriage to his longtime girlfriend, Erin Muller, 24.

Daddy Lohan knows how to milk it too. He says, “We picked out a ring, but it’s not official.”  You see, he refuses to say it’s official until certain “family issues are resolved”.

However, it was official enough to talk about publicly.

When asked if Lindsay’s relationship with Samantha Ronson was the problem, he clarified saying that his father is battling cancer and that’s his main concern at this point. Oh yeah, and that little paternity case thingy.

“We’re waiting for the paternity test and my father’s situation to be resolved.”

Kristi Kaufmann claims Lohan is the father of her child. A child that was supposedly conceived while Michael was having an affair on his ex-wife, Dina. He has since submitted his DNA for testing but won’t be processed until the court orders it to be.

And so much for being ‘unofficial’. Muller was spotted showing off her flashy ring this past weekend at the Mercedes-Benz Bridgehampton Polo Tournament.

At that same event Michael talked openly about his daughter’s lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. He said,

“I’m not happy. Ever since she got out of rehab and all these people came back into her life, things haven’t been right. People like Samantha Ronson don’t need to be around Lindsay. She shouldn’t be dragging Lindsay around nightclubs. Who was Samantha Ronson before Lindsay Lohan? She was nobody. She is using her for her own gain. All these people have inserted themselves into her life like parasites, and it’s not right. I’m done with them.”

And as usual, he had a few spare words for his ex-wife.

“Dina is a kiss-ass. She’s just nice to everybody, trying to be friends with everyone, just so she can be on Lindsay’s good side. And it is wrong. She should be a mother first.”